06 June 2004

Selected Rules for Living; Or, I've Gotten Way Too Opinionated

Do not read books from Oprah's book club; they will invariably be depressing.

On airplanes, take the window seat and order the vegetarian meal. You not only have a nice view, but a nice cool surface to lean against and sleep; and vegetarian meals are fresher than regular meals.

Sort out as much of life as possible at the end of the day to prevent the need for any extraneous thought in the morning.

Never cut your cuticles.

Movies with Nicolas Cage are rarely a good idea.

Yes to pizza with pineapple on top; no to pizza with broccoli on top.

Sleep. Whenever possible. As much as possible.

Never wear blue eyeshadow. Ever.

Keep an up-to-date Amazon wish list because you never can tell when people will want to buy you presents.

If you tell yourself bad stuff, you'll believe it; tell yourself good stuff enough instead and eventually you'll get to believe that too.

Ethnic or regional restaurants that are patronized by people of that ethnicity or region will be good. Ethnic or regional restaurants that put the name of the ethnicity or region in their name (e.g., New York Bagels, Italy Pizza) will not be good.

Don't reread what you've written too much, or you'll become convinced that you're a self-important little twit and get very sad.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

You have much wisdom, Grasshopper. However, you have much to learn about broccoli pizza, blue eyeshadow, and Nicholas Cage movies (see The Rock, Matchstick Men, Adaptation, City of Angels, Face/Off, Honeymoon in Vegas, Raising Arizona, Valley Girl, and a cameo in Fast Times in Ridgemont High. You're right when it comes to The Family Man, though :)

You're not a self-important little twit! This is the point of a blog! Posting your opinions!

Love the new look,
~TRS

Sarah said...

There's just too much to chew with broccoli pizza.

I stand by the No Blue Eyeshadow decree.

And as for The Rock, Matchstick Men, Adaptation, City of Angels, Face/Off, Honeymoon in Vegas, Raising Arizona, Valley Girl, and Fast Times in Ridgemont High - yeah. Stay away, I say again, from Nicolas Cage. Far, far away.

Prunie said...

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Sarah said...

Hm. Do your nails instead. Keeps your hands busy and you won't want to muss up the polish touching anything afterward.

Anonymous said...

50 Elvis impersonators jumping out of a plane! How is that not funny? Have you even seen any of those Nicholas Cage movies?

I love you to death sweetie. But sometimes I question your taste.

~The Rock Star, who may have become a bit too opinionated herself :)

Sarah said...

I am a big believer in trying things before deciding you don't like them. And I've seen The Rock, City of Angels, Face/Off, Honeymoon in Vegas, Raising Arizona, Leaving Las Vegas, It Could Happen to You, Moonstruck, Gone in Sixty Seconds, Con Air and Fast Times in Ridgemont High. I have exhausted the Nicolas Cage oeuvre. And I am positive that I do not like Nicolas Cage. You won me over on the Johnny Depp issue with Pirates of the Caribbean, but it won't happen on this one.