First Memories

So I've got a new theory: that your first memory is a total Rorschach test for you as a person.

It's worked 100% so far. Everyone I've asked has remembered something that's exactly what you'd pin on them.

The gay remembered rearranging the furniture in his room.
The biker chick remembered hurting herself and getting fixed up.
The thinker remembered realizing she could hear her own thoughts.
The entrepreneur remembered doing what her family thought she couldn't.
The mama remembered standing up to a bully.
The musician remembered his mother surprising him with a new song.

Mine is sitting on my father's shoulders in a dim, green hospital hallway looking down into the nursery window at my new baby brother.

Make of that what you will, but first tell me yours.

(Confidential: this is where you click X Comments and type something!)

Questions I've Been Asked This Week

Did you defend me?

Do you trust her?

Does he have an accent?

Can you take care of him?

To which the answer to every one is, I realize just now, exactly the same:

not as much as I want.

Surprising. I wonder what that says about me. I don't really know.

I think the snow falling outside is making me kind of quiet and thinky.

Project: The Tacky Calendar Wall

Last year I developed something of an art installation of calendars - just because I ended up getting seven or eight of them, so I figured I'd put them all up. Some were pretty nice... some were a little odd.

However. This year? No calendars! An issue that must be fixed.

I know they're in clearance bins everywhere. And I bet only the peculiar ones are left.

So. Please help! Send all calendars! The more interesting the better. Photos will be posted.

Desperate for Content, Sarah Turns to Davy, Mickey, Peter and Michael

In 1967, the editors of Tiger Beat posed a series of questions to the Monkees. Now it's my turn.

1. How would your mother describe you in one word?
• Strong.
  
2. What is your favorite flower?
• Gardenia.
  
3. What is the most insane question you've ever been asked?
• Did you know you were speeding?
  
4. If you could change your name, what would you change it to?
• I wouldn't change it.
  
5. What word in the English language do you wish you had invented?
• Fuck.
  
6. What is the first quote that comes to your mind?
• "Your absence has gone through me like thread through a needle. Everything I do is stitched with its color."
  
7. What animal best describes the kind of person you'd be interested in?
• A starfithoroughbremonkeretriever.
  
8. What do you miss about your childhood?
• Playing pretend.
  
9. In what hour of the day do you function best?
• Depends what I'm doing, doesn't it now.
  
10. What is the main fault in your character?
• Flippant, distractable, forgetful, judgmental, prone to the sulks.
  
11. If you met the right person today, would you propose tomorrow?
• Doubtful, as I'm headed for bed and don't expect to find anyone under the covers.
  
12. What was your favorite subject in school?
• English.
  
13. Where would you like to live?
• In a state of bliss.
  
14. Describe how you kiss in one word.
• Searchingly.
  
15. What in the world do you least desire?
• Stardom.
  
16. Why do you think most people date you?
• I don't think most people date me. But they maybe ought to.
  
17. Who is your favorite historical figure?
• Shakespeare.
  
18. How many times have you fallen in love?
• Enough to know better.
  
19. What are your favorite names?
• James and Anna.
  
20. Finish this sentence. "Happiness is a thing called..."
• ...joy is a moment noticed... love is a question answered."

Now it's your turn.

Questions Pondered While Catching Up on "Heroes"

• How far can a "two men raising a little girl" setup go before the inherent homoeroticism has to be discussed? How about when they have a middle-of-the-night argument about who has the bigger "daddy issues"? Maybe then?
• Is there a "frequently shirtless" clause in Milo Ventimiglia's contract?
  
• Is it creepy to watch a girl sit in high school classes when you know she's dating a (frequently shirtless) 29-year-old?
• Or, is it just creepy that an 18-year-old is dating a 29-year-0ld?
  
• Is the gaijin hero actually NPH, or does he just look distractingly like NPH?
• Does "Heroes" employ the use of the VERY worst green screen in televisual history?
  
• What kind of name is "West"?
• Did they even wonder what an Irish accent sounded like before rolling camera?
• Exactly how much did Nissan pay NBC, anyway?
• Will I ever again be able to look at a guy with stubble and heavy eyebrows without worrying that he might want to slice my head in two?
  

Optical Illusion

This is making me crazy. I only see her going counter-clockwise no matter how long I stare at it.

Which apparently means I'm more logical than creative. Which would kind of be news to me.

Which way do you see it?

Have You Updated Your Profile Today?

There's a fantastically interesting article in the Christian Science Monitor about social networking and it raises a bunch of thought-provoking questions - which I guess we won't get answers to until the next generation, really.

• Social networking - and really Web 2.0 in general - is by its very design narcissistic. It's really just positioning the brand of You. (See also Time's Man of the Year issue.) How does this outlet for such total self-involvement change us - who we are, what we do, how we think about ourselves?
• When we can find out so much about people before we get to know them, how does that change our relationships?
• Does having so many casual friends take away from the really meaningful relationships in our lives?
  

It's more new-media geekery, but I think it's completely fascinating stuff.

Dad Says It Best; Please Do

Talked to Matt last Sunday after 2 weeks in; he's in the challenge of his life. He had a head cold because a week before they hosed his class down at 5 AM in the cold rain already, before they ran their daily miles. He has blisters from constant running after sand got in his boots. Doing thousands of pushups, always crawling in the mud, etc., etc. Because he's an aviator, he has to do the water exercise a lot more than the others - they jump from 12 feet into the water, swim 150 yards and inflate their shirt and pants. In the first week 24 of 50 in his class got bumped out for some failure - mostly physical. 3 are completely out of the program; the others are bumped back into a later class to try again at the same point they departed. 2 of the 3 friends he picked up at the airport the day before they reported are gone. He passed a basic engineering test but only 11 out of 50 passed, so the whole class is being punished physically with extra bullshit. They get 7 hours of lights out a day but that's the only time available to study for their exams, so they sneak flashlights under the covers like little kids. This is the first class in Newport after the move up from Pensacola and they're not done building what they need. So his class is in filthy old barracks that have not been used in 5 years; he said he didn't see any rats yet.

He's hanging in there and pretty positive, but he's not allowed any email, can only call out once a week, not allowed any incoming calls, and he had to open the package I sent in front of his drill sergeant. But he can get and receive regular mail.

So if you have any time to send him a note or a card I think it might really help him; he could use it.

Thanks and love.

OCPO2 Matthew Morgan
OCS Class #02-08
Officer Training Command Newport
Officer Candidate School
47 Chandler Street
Newport, RI 02841-1210

Like the Corners of My Mind?

This is a neat essay.

I remember sitting on my father's shoulders in the hospital, looking in on my new baby brother.
I remember him teaching me how to tie my sneakers while I was sitting on a large roll of carpeting that he must have been about to install in our house.
I remember helping him build a carport.
I remember singing Christmas carols with him while he taught me how to wrap presents.
I remember him running to me after I got hit with an errant baseball playing catch in our side yard.
I remember him sculpting a little clay bust that stayed in the cabinet of the dining room sideboard for years.

What random memory do you have of one of your parents?

New Year

I loved this article, and haven't been able to post it until now. It's a bit dated, of course, but think of it as me waiting to encompass both September and the Jewish New Year all at once. Right? Sure.

The question: Is September the new New Year?
Lucy Mangan
The Guardian 30.08.07

The longer you remain in education, the stronger the connection becomes - but for most of us, a childhood lived to the rhythm of the academic year is more than enough to imbue us with an abiding sense that it is in the ninth month, not the first, that the real new year begins.

The late Augusts of our formative years are spent preparing for the new pedagogic dawn. Pencils are sharpened, school bags are dug resentfully out of the cupboard. New sensible and cripplingly stiff shoes are bought, along with whatever bits of school uniform you have grown out of. Resolutions to work hard, be nicer to friends and not answer back to the teacher are made - or at least forcibly extracted from parents - with at least as much gravitas as the traditional January vows.

The first day of the new school term sports far more novelties than any mere return to work on January 1 can ever do. After all, how many of your workmates will have doubled in height over the holidays? Had their normal voices replaced with basso profundo versions? Developed breasts, or discovered a new sexual experience that they are willing to share with the group? Rapidly maturing classmates alone can make a new year worthy of the name.

Or perhaps it goes even deeper than childhood memories. Perhaps we all have an imbedded primeval memory that tells us September is the harbinger of winter, an end to frolicking in the sun and time to gird our loins and start sharpening the family flints instead of pencils, stockpile roots and berries rather than stationery and generally hunker down against the imminent threat of snow and hardship instead of the tyranny of an unknown teacher.

Either theory makes right now the equivalent of Christmas, however, so let's get out there and party while we still can. The fun stops on Saturday.

Geek Project

The two things that take up the most room on my computer are photos and music. They're huge files, but they're also irreplaceable, so not only do I need to store them them but I want them double-backed-up.

I can put the photos on my external hard drive and on my Flickr account, so I'm fine there; they don't need to take up space on the actual computer. The music is the problem. Because I run iTunes off the computer and have it all backed up on the external hard drive. Now, though, there's too much music in my iTunes library to fit on my computer. I need to get it off, and there's no online service (I know of) to do it. So, I bought a second external hard drive, much as I hate having another clunky computer thing with cords and plugs to sit around and get dusty.

I think the best thing to do is to move the iTunes library onto one hard drive and run iTunes off that; and then leave the second external as a total backup of everything.

What I'm wondering, though, is whether it makes sense to move my iTunes library and then just reformat my computer from scratch so it's clean and it doesn't have all the stuff on it that two people in particular are always yelling at me for having.

I know a few of you know this stuff. Please please opinions please?

Weekly Roundup: Things I Need

1. New white t-shirts. The kind that is thin and fitted and just perfect. You know what I mean.
   
2. My financial advisor's transfer to come through.
   
3. A pedicure.
4. The nerve and the smarts to delete my 40 GB iTunes library and work off the copy on the external hard drive so my computer won't be molasses anymore.
   
5. A hair dye session.

Advice welcome.

What do YOU need? Anonymous comments welcome.

APB on BAM

I got a subscriber announcement in the mail on Wednesday from the Royal Shakespeare Company announcing that they were bringing the final show of their year-long Complete Works festival on tour.

King Lear with Ian McKellen. September at the BAM Harvey Theater in Brooklyn.

I need to see this show.

It is already sold out.

I have wanted very little more than this. I will do whatever it takes, I don't care. Flying to the two other tour stops on this continent is under consideration.

Advice, suggestions, connections both legal and otherwise, desperately sought.

Edited to add: oh my goodness oh my goodness oh my goodness I'm going I'm going I'm going I'm going!

Tracy

Everybody, this is Tracy.

Tracy, everybody.

Tracy is awesome.

She rides a motorcycle. She has a truly lustworthy shoe collection. She has two big goofy dogs. And she has a husband who drives racecars.

And, incidentally, she is lucky enough to have an office right next to ME. Which, as you can probably imagine, is a joy hardly to be measured. Another way to look at that is that she puts up with my obnoxious ass all day long. But whatever.

She also has probably the coolest second-grader on the planet.

Everybody, this is Jason. It's an old picture, but I don't want anybody stalking the kid, and plus, it's adorable.

Jason, everybody.

So you understand by now that Jason's got a pretty amazing mom. But, you ask, exactly how amazing is she?

Here's how amazing.

In August, she's doing a week-long motorcycle trip from Aviemore, Scotland down to London (my very favorite part of the planet). She's going with 19 other breast cancer survivors to raise money and awareness of breast cancer through a program called Amazon Heart Thunder.

Oh. Did I forget to mention that Tracy is a Stage IV survivor?

Yeah. She's all that, and she's been kicking cancer's ass since Jason was an infant.

But Tracy needs donations. Lots of them.

So go check out her story. And go donate. There are good causes in this world, and good people. And this is one of the best.

You're My Lucky Charm

Thursday I am defending my thesis.

I don't have anything clever to say about it. I could just really use some good-luck vibes. Or prayers. Or karma. Or whatever you want to call it.

Also I am discussing my future housing options tomorrow morning. That could use some of the same stuff.

Sorry to beg, but hey, if I can't do it here, where can I, right?

And anyway, I promise to do it right back for you. Let me know in the comments what you want, and I'll get right on it. (After Thursday.)

What IS the Pompatous of Love, Anyway?

And other questions pondered while editing proposals to the Steve Miller Band.

Irony All Over the Place

Things that get me cranky, in increasing order of crankiness:

1. Firefox crashing. Wherefore, Mozilla? Must you drive me back into the arms of Internet Explorer? Must you prove Eliot right? Don't make me do it.
2. Firefox crashing just as I'm done with a post.
3. Firefox crashing just as I'm done with a post about how I'm annoyed with YouTube and Blogger for not working together.
4. YouTube and Blogger for not working together. Eric Schmidt, why did you pay six jillion dollars for to buy both of these sites and put happy little "post video" links on YouTube if said links will never ever ever work?
5. Thinking I figured out why it wasn't working and feeling like an ass.
6. It still not working.

Fortunately, we have this to make up for all the world's ills: this, which was the point in the first place:

I'm Actually Doing One of These

1. What do you say most when you're trying not to curse?
Lately I've just been cursing.

2. Do you own an iPod?
It is tiny and shiny and pretty - why are you needing to ask?

3. What person on your Top 8 do you talk to the most?
Who's on my Top 8 this week? Probably none of them, because lately the only people I actually talk to are the ones I work with. Everybody else is emails and IMs.

4. What time is your alarm clock set to?
I always want to set it for 6, but mostly I end up setting it for 6:30.

5. Do you want to fall in love?
Yeah. It's a nice feeling.

6. Do you wear flip-flops when it's cold?
Am I coming back from a pedicure? Or am I just stupid?

7. Would you rather take the picture or be in the picture?
Both - I'm a big fan of the outstretched arm. I suppose this speaks to both my need for inclusion and my pathological desire for control. Eeeenteresting, doctor.

8. What was the last movie you watched?
"A Streetcar Named Desire" on the plane yesterday.

9. Do any of your friends have children?
Only a couple. I'm still waiting to be Cool Auntie Sarah. Get it in gear, Cheeses.

10. Has anyone ever called you lazy?
I think just my parents.

11. Do you ever take medication to help you fall asleep?
Maybe once I took a Tylenol when I was sick or something, but I'd have had to really need it. I hate taking medicine.

13. Do you prefer regular or chocolate milk?
Skim milk or light chocolate Silk.

14. Has anyone told you a secret this week?
Yes.

15. When was the last time you had Starbucks?
Coming back from Kristin's bridesmaid-dress fitting last month. Chai with a shot of vanilla. Yummy.

16. Can you whistle?
Never since I got braces in high school.

17. Do you have a trampoline in your back yard?
No.

18. Do you think people talk about you behind your back?
For their sake, I hope so. I'm pretty fascinating.

19. Did you watch cartoons as a child?
Um, yeah. I was going to be a Thundercat. Cheetara was totally going to be my cool big sister.

20. What movie do you know every line to?
"Beauty and the Beast," from babysitting; "Spaceballs," from being a child of the 80s; and "It's a Wonderful Life," from being my dad's kid.

23. Do you own any band T-shirts?
I have a BT t-shirt from maybe five years ago that I sleep in, if he counts as a band.

24. What is your favorite salad dressing?
Balsamic vinegar.

26. Do you do your own dishes?
Only when I have to, but I really hate it.

27. Ever cry in public?
Oh yes.

30. Do you think you could ever be in love?
Good at the swing, need work on the follow-through.

31. Would you ever date anyone covered in tattoos?
No.

32. What did you do before this?
Work.

33. When was the last time you slept on the floor?
Maybe November? My back was sore.

34. How many hours of sleep do you need to function?
I used to think eight, but I've just discovered that three works just fine.

35. Do you eat breakfast daily?
Yup, mostly.

36. Are your days full and fast-paced?
Mostly, which is just how I like it.

37. What are you doing right now?
Um, taking a survey?

38. Do you use sarcasm?
Please see above.

39. Have you ever been in a fight?
Not in a physical fight, but I think I could win. I'm pretty spunky.

40. Are you picky about spelling and grammar?
You have absolutely no idea. I maybe possibly edited this quiz while taking it.

41. Have you ever been to Six Flags?
Yeah, maybe three times? I don't like rollercoasters so it was never much fun.

42 Have you seen someone get beaten up?
Not in real life, and I usually look away when it happens in movies.

43. Do you get along better with the same sex or the opposite?
Opposite, usually, because when girls get catty or think you're in their territory I don't have time for it.

44. Do you like mustard?
Yes, specially Dijon.

45. Do you sleep on your side, stomach, or back?
Mostly on my back, unless I'm in the mood to need the extra curling-up.

46. Do you watch the news?
Never if I can help it.

47. How did you get your scars?
From YOU, DAMMIT, FROM YOU. Um, no. Just kidding. Psycho. Mostly from falling into things. I do that a lot.

48. Who was the last person to make you mad?
Heh. He knows who he is.

49. Do you like anyone?
I very much doubt that that's any of your business.

50. What is the last thing you purchased?
An iPod charger in Houston yesterday.

Did You Ever...

...realize that you had friends on your MySpace, but had no idea who they were?

...wonder what the hell Twitter was and why SxSW cared so much?

...already really, really miss The Show?

...realize that you needed to stop calling it "Kerrin's weekly roundup" since everyone thinks Kerrin is writing your blog?

...wonder if some other people would write some of your blog sometimes?

...realize Tracy already has, and you just have to find a picture of her?

...get happy when the song you want to add to your playlist is available when you didn't expect it to be?

...realize you really ought to be going to bed?

Lost: One iPod, One Mind, One Temper

I can't find my iPod.

I did have it at about 10 this morning, sitting happily in its little radio at work. And I didn't have it at 5 when I got back from a meeting and noticed it was gone.

And now I am so mad at myself because I am so forgetful and so unsure of myself that I can't say for absolutely certain that I didn't move it. But I'm pretty sure that I didn't. I always put it back in its little case when I take it out of the radio. And it was still there. I didn't go anyplace that I would have taken it. It certainly doesn't appear to be in my office, in my car, in my bag, in my house...

But where else would it go? Nobody at work would take it, and nobody remembered anyone odd being in the office all day.

And, of course, I have no raving idea what the serial number is. And all the links (Why must I Google when I know no magical internet answer is going to solve my problem? Why?) are, of course, utterly no help.

I am so sad. I'm so upset that it's gone, so worried that there's a thief somewhere, so guilty for thinking that there's a thief somewhere, and mostly just so angry with myself for not remembering for certain and for letting this happen at all.