Ministry of Sound, Why Have You Forsaken Me?

Music commentary is best done by the Boy, with his encyclopedic knowledge. I, at best, have a TV-Guide-sized knowledge. (The old TV Guide, too, not the big new shiny one with all the pictures.)

But, this morning I was listening to a CD and it literally made me laugh out loud. And it was not a comedy CD.

Surprisingly, it was the Ministry of Sound 2006 Annual. The Annuals are fantastic compilations, fun, energetic, interesting. I don't like all dance music, but I always like these.

I think, however, this is the US version, although it's impossible to tell exactly, because the other (UK?) Annual album is indistinguishable, which is phenomenally annoying.

Anyway, it starts out great, with a surprisingly good remix of Kelly Clarkson's "Since You've Been Gone." (Jason Nevins is good, I know, but it's an oddly pop start to an Annual I think). Then there are three really great songs, "Love on My Mind" by Freemasons, "Say Say Say (Waiting 4 U)" by Hi-Tack, and "I Like the Way" by Bodyrockers.

But then the rest of the first CD goes flying straight downhill. And the next-to-last track, "Every Time We Touch" by Cascada, is the one that made me laugh out loud.

I don't expect a lot, lyrically, from a dance song. It ain't Shakespeare. However.

"I still hear your voice when you sleep next to me
I still feel your touch in my dream
Forgive me my weakness but I don’t know why
Without you it’s hard to survive"

Awww, nice.

"'Cause every time we touch I get this feeling,
And every time we kiss I swear I could fly,
Can't you feel my heart beat fast,
I want this to last,
Need you by my side."

Cliched, but fine.

"'Cause every time we touch I feel this static,
And every time we kiss I reach for the sky,
Can't you hear my heart beat slow,
I can't let you go,
Want you in my life."

You feel... static? That's a little odd. Is that a good thing?

And it reminds me a little of Romper Room, all "bend and stretch, reach for the stars."

And aren't you contradicting yourself with your heartbeat thing? First fast, now slow. Is this a medical condition?

But whatever, I'm being picky. This is what made me laugh:

"Your arms are my castle
Your heart is my sky
They wipe away tears that I cry"

...

What?

Come on now. What is that possibly supposed to mean?

And it doesn't at all help that it's what the Boy refers to as "guido fist-pumping" music. It's just atrocious.

And now I don't trust the second CD of the compilation at all. Ministry of Sound, why must I doubt you? Why do you put out identical-looking albums with completely different track lists? Why do you start them fine and then fill them up with crap songs? What are you doing?

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